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Money is definitely not the first thing couples want to talk about after entering a relationship. However, the topic shouldn’t be entirely avoided, as it can cause issues in the long term. Considering this, we may ask ourselves when or how soon partners should start discussing their finances.
Redditor Sweet-Cherrypies would probably advise you not to wait longer than one and a half years. Because when she and her partner finally began talking about it, it all quickly went downhill. After her boyfriend found out she “hid” from him the fact that she won the lottery 15 years ago, he threw a fit and started accusing her of trying to deceive him.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with a certified financial planner and founder and CEO of The Money Couple, Taylor Kovar, who kindly agreed to tell us more about new relationships and finances.
Discussing the topic of money may feel uncomfortable in a new relationship
Image credits: drazenphoto / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
But this couple left it off for too long, which resulted in a full-blown disagreement
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Sweet-Cherrypies
On average, couples start discussing their finances six to eight months into their relationship
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov / pexels (not the actual photo)
According to the banking app “Chime,” couples on average start discussing finances six and a half to eight months into their relationship. While it’s unlikely that you’ll begin talking about your past lottery wins or student loans on the third or fifth date, experts claim that it’s never too soon to bring money into the conversation.
Bored Panda reached out to certified financial planner and founder and CEO of The Money Couple, Taylor Kovar, who kindly agreed to tell us when’s the perfect time to start discussing finances in a new relationship.
“In my experience, it’s beneficial to initiate discussions about finances relatively early on in a relationship, once a foundation of trust and mutual respect has been established. While it’s not necessarily a first-date topic, waiting too long to address financial matters can lead to misunderstandings or conflicts down the road. I recommend broaching the topic once both partners feel comfortable sharing personal information and are committed to building a strong foundation for their relationship.”
Money is a big deal in the dating world and is involved from the very first date, including choosing a place to eat and how much we’re willing to pay for it. In fact, studies have shown that couples who have similar spending and saving habits and attitudes toward money are more likely to have a thriving long-term relationship.
Therefore, a first date is a great chance to find out whether your opinions on the topic match. But you don’t have to approach it with difficult questions; all it takes is observing subtle cues like how they talk about their job or childhood and if they agree to get a few appetizers instead of ordering the main course straight away.
Doing this may result in fewer financially incompatible couples, as, according to the counseling service Relate, money worries are the most common reason for issues in relationships. Addressing the topic early may stop any potential resentment from appearing later and causing more serious disagreements.
Approaching the topic of money early in the relationship can stop serious arguments from emerging
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Starting to speak about a sensitive topic like money can understandably be nerve-wracking, but something that might help is approaching it with curiosity instead of coldness or criticism. Early on, you might want to start with lighter questions, like asking them if they’re a spender or a saver or what they wish to accomplish with their income, to better understand their point of view on finances.
Kovar also recommends choosing some dedicated time when both partners are free from distractions and having an honest conversation on the matter. He further explains that starting the discussion with personal anecdotes or stories about their own experiences with money can be a great icebreaker and create an inviting atmosphere for discussing finances.
He adds, “Explore your shared financial goals and aspirations as a couple. This could include goals like saving for a house, planning for retirement, or taking vacations together.”
In addition, he suggests taking the 5 Money Personalities assessment, which can provide insight into individual money personalities and how they influence financial attitudes and behaviors. “Understanding each other’s money personalities can drastically change the way you communicate about money with your partner and build a more harmonious relationship!” Kovar says.
Getting the discussion going might also benefit both of you in the future when you merge your finances (if/when the couple gets to that point). If any issues arise later, like debt, bills, or saving up for a substantial purchase, partners are more likely to resolve these matters successfully without damaging the relationship, as the topic has already been covered.
However, don’t feel like you need to pressure yourself to take a deep dive into finances immediately. When people are dating, the focus should be on getting to know each other and deciding if the person is right for them.
Differences in upbringing should also be considered beforehand, as some people might not be accustomed to talking about money the same way you are. When you feel like the relationship has the potential to be long-term, you can start bringing up such matters more often.
When frustrations about finances arise, open and empathetic communication is key
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Kovar emphasizes that in cases where one partner feels frustrated by the other’s lack of disclosure about their financial situation, open and empathetic communication is key. “It’s essential for both parties to express their feelings calmly and respectfully, while also taking the time to listen and understand each other’s perspectives. By approaching the issue with empathy and a willingness to find common ground, couples can work together to resolve frustrations and strengthen their relationship.”
Dr. Williams suggests taking a moment to reflect on what exactly bugs you about the situation. She reminds us that finances change over time, and situations and opinions on it may alter at any point. However, your partner completely avoiding the subject may be a red flag. “That’s definitely something to pay attention to, particularly before you become even more serious, like moving in together or getting engaged,” Dr. Williams adds.
It may be beneficial to inquire why they feel uncomfortable discussing money. Or you can be the one to set the example and open up about it first. Start by sharing your own experiences and feelings instead of catching your significant other unprepared. Finances can be a tricky matter, so try to approach it with sensitivity; the sooner, the better.
Commenters labeled the boyfriend as jealous and assured that the original author did nothing wrong
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Recently, the author provided a highly requested update
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Image credits: Sweet-Cherrypies
Commenters couldn’t believe the things the woman went through
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