Do you want to help your children manage their feelings and grow to be successful, happy adults? Then follow these tips on how to raise an emotionally intelligent child.
BIG emotions.
Little (and not-so-little) children struggle with big (often scary-feeling) emotions. They can easily feel swamped or flooded when strong emotions surface. This is when they might yell or stomp or sob loudly.
As parents, these moments can be very trying for us. Often, we don’t know what to do. We end up feeling frustrated and wanting to yell (or scream or cry) back at them.
Don’t worry! There are steps you can take to manage the situation, help your child calm down, understand his or her emotions, and develop a strong emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize, identify, and manage your own emotions and also to recognize and identify emotions in others. Having high emotional intelligence is a predictor of future success in school, relationships, and careers.
You can’t impart emotional intelligence with one lesson, but you can follow simple steps that will help you raise an emotionally intelligent child (who will become a highly successful adult!).
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These simple steps will help children of all ages, but you should start as young as possible with your own kids.
BE PATIENT
Being a calm, patient adult is important when helping very young children. Try to remember that your young child is still learning how to understand, cope with, and manage his or her feelings.
I know it can be very hard to be patient during a moment of intense outburst from your child, but if you can keep in mind that your child is daily learning how to manage emotions and navigate life then it is easier to be patient and understanding with him or her.
Every moment imparts a valuable lesson
KEEP EVERYONE SAFE
When emotions run high, toddlers (and even preschoolers) often resort to hitting or slapping (even though it’s often just a knee-jerk reaction to the situation).
Your first step (while remaining calm and patient!) is to keep everyone safe. If your toddler hits (or is trying to), gently block or move them while stating that hitting is not appropriate. (You may have to repeat this until he or she calms down enough to stop.)
The idea is not to be the brute squad and impose obedience by force, but rather to merely gently stop anyone from getting hurt.
MODEL CALM BEHAVIOR AND REACTIONS
I’ll admit that this is much easier said than done, but while your toddler’s emotions are out of control you need to model calm behavior.
Everything you do is an opportunity for your child to learn (by watching the model: You!) Your child will see you repeatedly being calm (over a long period of time and from many examples) and this will help her to learn to be calm.
Remember your child also learns how to deal with difficult emotions and situations by watching you.
If you tell her not to scream and yell when she’s angry, yet you curse and rage when someone cuts you off in traffic, you’re sending mixed messages and teaching her that angry outbursts are ok sometimes.
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